Indisposition.  Why did I pick that?  Well I’m listening to a song right now from 500 days of summer.  Its called sweet disposition.  I looked up the meaning of disposition and it means a person state of mind.  Right now my state of mind is pretty cloudy.  I’ve been confused and lost this past month and like some people in this world I’ve still trying to find my place in this world. 

I thought I found that place when I found her.  Honestly I never really expected I’d meet someone in a while but she sorta found me.  What started out as first acquaintances became more meaningful to me.  I don’t know why I feel for her,  we had nothing in common.  Maybe I was just awestruck by her beauty which blinded me.  I wanted to do anything she did.  I wanted to read her books, I wanted to do her hobbies, I wanted to go hiking.   Problem is I never really stood up for myself.  She never liked what I liked doing: watching tv, sports, snowboarding.  Although when I come to think about it, I don’t really have much hobbies to begin with.  I used to webdesign and I used to write blogs hence why I am starting this up again.  I don’t think this will last long. 

Long story short, my heart is broken.  I came out of this relationship like most people who end up on the short end.  I lost, confused, wondered what the fuck happened.  Mainly I am wondering why she never had the guts to actually say anything about it.  Made me wonder what my worth was to her.  Probably nothing, this whole year throw away and burned up in a cloud of smoke. 

Right now i’m going through the healing process.  I have a couple of good friends helping me out.  Thank god for friends.